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الثلاثاء، 19 سبتمبر 2023

الى اليانوفى - رغم غيابك الابدي _

To the Yanoufi — Despite Your Eternal AbsenceSometimes a message posted on a blog or a tweet grants you a new path bordered by green wonder under a dense shade. One single word among the words takes you by the hand to a warm September day. Sometimes you find yourself filled with all this overflowing joy and delight before the final period.—I am still pacing the thresholds of the night, searching for a safe shore. I took the hand of morning and walked with it, its silver songs accompanying me.—Since I loved her I have written to her in complete secrecy. I cannot even hint or write down her name, for the enemies do not overlook. My letters began to point to her — absent — yet I still see her beautiful eyes.—In one of her letters she says she is a song not yet composed. In her forty-third letter she says she is a melody not yet played. In her penultimate letter she says she aborted the poem. In her final letter she says: I killed you, and now I am a bereaved woman.—She was a woman who tended the orphans of my heart, singing them the lullabies of tender evenings. She would sleep after them and wake before them. She was a woman of flowers steeped in honey. She was all the books my heart had read and that my soul had bound. She was, and still is, the reasons for my joy and my weeping.—My heart has become a house that feels at home only with her. Its doors were cut to her measure. Its keys are her fingertips. Its windows laugh only for her eyes — they brighten with her presence and darken in her absence. My blood in my veins hums her name, and the talk of my soul about her never ends.—I write to you despite your absence that has become eternal. I write to you because I love you more than you can imagine. I write to you because I feel lost. I write to you because the distance between us is a single letter. I write to you because I have not found the road that leads me to you. Here I am now, carrying my coffin on my shoulder — wanting your final glance.


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